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[strongnarrativevoice]

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text ★ un: cocked tale

[pathologise]

i want to ask you something about your world
but if i don't reply it's not because what you said was terrible
i usually have a low limit on what nonhuman information i can handle
which isn't great here
but i want to know
it just might take me a while
and i needed you to know that

[strongnarrativevoice]

[ There's nothing about Adrienne's careful wording that should be making this cold lump of foreboding coalesce in his stomach. She's going out of her way not to imply judgment, and he ought to give her that chance. ]

I understand.

If it helps, we don't exactly have nonhumans in the sense I think you mean. Whatever we can do, we're all human.

[ Are they, though? Would he have been, if the transformation had been left to run its course? ]

What did you want to ask?

[pathologise]

i don't know if that's simpler or not than my world
you're strong
i started noticing when we had sex
you hold me far easier than anyone ever has
is that why you started researching it?
to understand your strength?

[strongnarrativevoice]

[ Well. He'd known he would have to explain at some point. There's nothing for it, because if anyone here deserves to know, she does. ]

No. It's the other way around. The strength is my own doing.

It's a very long and very complicated story, and I'm afraid you will think it's terrible once you've heard it. I haven't yet forgiven myself for everything that it entails.

[pathologise]

i don't understand.
you weren't born with it?

( even with all she knows of him science doesn't come up as a thought because she doesn't expect that to be possible, that science can do this )

if it's not a comfortable topic we don't have to talk about it
i have something i should mention

[strongnarrativevoice]

I wasn't. Most people with these abilities are born with them, but there are therapies that can be used to activate a person's latent genetic capacity for them--give them powers, in effect.

I invented one such formula and tested it on myself. It went even more poorly than you might expect it would, given what a terrible idea that already sounds like on paper, but the results are what they are.

[ He can say that much--but he is still grateful, more than he can say, that she will let him pull back when he needs to. It doesn't deserve to be a comfortable topic, exactly, but he's come to realize it doesn't need to be one that puts up a permanent wall between him and people he cares about, either. ]

What do you want to mention?

[pathologise]

that's big
scientifically big
but also lots of questions big

( lots of questions that she doesn't ask because she doesn't want to press too hard.

she's also avoiding his because she's backing out of her admission now. admissions are terrifying )

[strongnarrativevoice]

It's "my friend burned down my lab and all the research in it for the good of humanity" big, actually, so I couldn't recreate it even if I wanted to. It's for the best.

[ Flippancy is nearly always his go-to coping mechanism, but it does say something that he can bring himself to be like that about it now. It's a step up. Sort of. Adrienne makes those easier.

But his curiosity is piqued now, and even though he has absolutely no idea what she could want to say, he really wants to know. ]

Really, what is it? I promise, I won't be upset or offended or anything. You've got a free pass.

[pathologise]

shit.

( he gets that and then a giant pause )

it doesn't matter.
it wasn't about you.
another time

[strongnarrativevoice]

Oh. Yes, of course.

[ Because of course it wouldn't have been about him, that was a stupid thing for him to say when he already had understood that, but he's just floundering in his own awkwardness now.

He reminds himself of what she'd said, that sometimes she just needs time to process, and lets himself exhale. ]

No worries.

[ Smooth, Suresh. ]

[pathologise]

( it's a couple of nights later when next she next texts him, close to 3am )

i hope you're not awake
but if you are can we talk?

[strongnarrativevoice]

[ Unfortunately for Adrienne, Mohinder is the sort of night owl who is routinely awake at 3 AM, and tonight is no exception. ]

Sorry to disappoint.

[ He's joking, but he's not a guy who deploys emojis to convey these things in text. ]

But I'm always around to talk. Everything okay?

[pathologise]

i'm glad you are even if one of use should sleep.
are you at the lab tomorrow?

[strongnarrativevoice]

I will be. I don't have much of a backlog, so I don't think they'll mind if I come in just a bit later. Are you?

[pathologise]

i'm scheduled for it
i was supposed to be a few days ago too but i didn't make it down
couldn't
i don't know if i can tomorrow

[strongnarrativevoice]

[ Well, now he's concerned. He'd been reading while sprawled on the couch, but now he sits up, tucking a leg under him and frowning at his phone. ]

I'm sure they'll be understanding about it if so. What is it that you feel you can't do?

[ Maybe working through it in smaller steps will help, somehow. He doesn't know. ]

[pathologise]

walking in?
the lab at my hospital
i couldn't enter it
i thought this being a different place might feel easier
it doesn't

[strongnarrativevoice]

[ He still hasn't asked what had happened to cause that aversion, back in her own world. Part of him wonders if he should ask, if it would help at all to do so, or if it would only hurt more right now. ]

Is it because it brings up memories, when you walk through the door?

What if I tried to help distract you from that somehow? I'm not sure exactly what I could do, but if I were to give your mind something else to focus on just while you got situated.

Even if you then felt like you needed to leave again, it might be a start. Like an icebreaker.

[pathologise]

i hope it's possible
even 30 minutes would feel like something

you were right about the memories
sort of
it's more a feeling

[strongnarrativevoice]

It absolutely would be something. And if it helps, we can do it again as often as you need.

Tell me something that you've got a strong opinion about. Don't go into detail, but just think of something that you could really rant about if someone got you started.

[pathologise]

i'm not much of a ranter
i say this until you pull something out that i would
but not usually

[strongnarrativevoice]

You do underestimate my ability to inspire people to yell at me. But that's not quite what we're going for here.

I'll think of something and we'll give it our best shot. It's going to be all right, Adrienne. One way or another.

[pathologise]

there are two things that sometimes help
therapy tricks
getting me to think of a happy place
getting me to describe three things i can see, three things i can hear
the second option is usually better
ignore the first

[strongnarrativevoice]

This is good to know. I'll try it.

Even if it doesn't work today, don't get discouraged, okay? Be proud of yourself for working on it.

[pathologise]

thank you.
you should give me your coffee order.
bringing one with me will give me a very good excuse to walk in